So, you know when you think you’ve totally got the whole self-love thing down, right?
You’re doing all the positive affirmations, and revelling in so much self-care your home resembles your very own love nest?
As far as you’re concerned, you’ve nailed this bad boy.
You are your own best friend, cheerleader and number one fan all rolled into one. Trouble is, life can be a sneaky little mo’fo when she wants to be. She has this nasty little habit of giving you a loving smackdown when you get into this head space. “Oh, you think you know all there is to know about this, huh? Girl, you ain’t seen nothing yet!” Yep, I totally had one of them and let me tell you, it sure wasn’t pretty.
See I’ve been doing a lot of work with the author Theresa Cheung on her author Facebook page. Every week I write a short inspirational piece or post a video to help those in need, and on Friday my post went up as per. That week’s theme was the power of prayer. As I scrolled down the list of comments, my heart was happy to see so many people shining their beautiful light out to others. Then my finger scrolled to the bottom comment, and life literally smacked me round the face. What did it say? ‘Pray your eye becomes straight.’
In a nanosecond I was back at school being confronted by the classroom bullies, and my heart dropped into my socks. For, despite all my self-love work and pouring gallons of positivity all over myself, there’s still bits of myself I don’t like. Bits that cause me to retreat into my private world of snotty tissues, mindless eating of crap and power ballads on loop. One of my things is the fact that my left eye is slightly smaller than my right. It’s not really noticeable unless I’m being photographed or on camera, and normally most people don’t even mention it. But, for me, it’s like wearing a huge flashing arrow pointing at my wonky eye 24/7. You know what it’s like; we all have parts of ourselves that we can’t stand. The bits of us that make us totally self-conscious and feeling like Quasimodo’s ugly relative. That is one of mine, and the fact that this stranger could go right for the jugular and be so nasty in only five words was beyond me.
As the day wore on, and my shock wore off (slightly), I began to see the whole situation with new eyes.
Yes, there’s no doubting that what this woman said was beyond nasty. She doesn’t know me at all and truly has no right to make comments like that. But that is the world we live in. How many of you have encountered trolls all over social media, making snide and hateful comments to people they’ve never even met? The power of the Internet means they can hide behind the keyboard and spew vile, believing themselves to be safe in their anonymity. In fact, it’s quite surprising that I haven’t really encountered it before, doing the work I do. I guess you never really forget your first time, and this event will be rubber stamped in my memory for a long time to come.
However, I also began to understand two key things...
The first is that her attack speaks volumes, not about me and my eye, but about her. Real women build each other up after all, and its typically immature girls who seek to pull others down. This woman clearly has her own issues and demons that she clearly isn’t dealing with, and is choosing to project them onto whoever crosses her firing line. Sadly, that day, I was in her sniper scope, but who knows who she’ll target tomorrow? Not everyone has the same ability to step back and consider the vileness from an objective standpoint, and comments like these can do unthinkable damage to people in a more fragile state. Social media can never be policed to 100% effectiveness; it’s too vast to really attempt it on the scale it needs. All we can do is keep reporting such acts of hatred to those who have the power to block said people, and prosecute where necessary. The more we stand up to bullies and say a big fat NO to their actions, the less they will have the same kind of power over the rest of us.
The second and final thing I realised about all this? This whole thing was the universe’s way of checking my self-love status. It’s okay to love the parts of yourself that you like; the super sparkly parts that you share out to others like multipack crisps at a party. But the bits that make you squirm? Much, much harder to do so. The events of the last few days have made me see that if I’m really going to love who I am, I’m going to have to accept and embrace ALL of who I am. But, that’s a challenge I’m willing to take. I am a wonderful work in progress, not a finalised product; and there’s no time line on giving myself the love I deserve. Oh, and I’m certainly going to be more careful what I put out to the universe in future!
Katie Golby is Angel expert who is a monthly contributor in Soul & Spirit magazine. Connect with her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/katielittlewhitefeathers Twitter: http://twitter.com/KatieKatie81 Instagram: htpp://instagram.com/katieg1981 and online http://katieg81.wix.com/littlewhitefeathers